Choose Faith.

We say its the season to give, the season to think of others and remember those in need. I have heard so many people talking about all the charities and causes they are giving to this season. I myself as I try to teach my children that there are some kids who don't get toys and only even hope for a coat for Christmas, I have been caught in the trap to intentionally focus on those in need. Why is it we are more in tune with the needs of others during this season? I am not so sure. All I do know is that Jesus decided He would meet my needs in a huge way after the loss of my boys in October. It was just October, nothing special. Just October. Why then, do we only really think of others at Christmas when really we are called to love intentionally, give wholeheartedly during ALL seasons?

Set yourself apart. Enjoy the season, give where you are called, nothing more and nothing less. But, remember that He did not go to the cross just because it was your birthday, He went to the cross...Just because. He loved you that much. For that I will love Him always.

This season I am especially grateful for my family. I love them with all that my heart can hold. My babies on this side of heaven have just taken me up with so much joy (actually my babies in heaven bring me joy too...to be in the presence of the Most High) I almost can't contain it. My husband. Well, He is just amazing and adorable and beautiful. I am so thankful He was heaven's choice for me in a husband.

More than anything I am just in awe of the miracles that Jesus has done in my life in the last 7 weeks. I am truly walking on the most powerful amazing, freeing days I have ever lived. How is that possible? How in the world can I say that and mean it after the pain, the loss, the disappointment?

He is just that redemptive. He is just God. He is good like that.

I had a conversation with a friend tonight that reminded me that this astonishing grace and faith the Lord has so lavished on me over these last few weeks is offered to all of us. Not just me, all who choose. If you need faith this season and any season. Cry out for it, ask for it, plead for it. He will answer. I promise. Remember faith is the substance of things HOPED for the evidence of things not seen .

I am asking Jesus for faith these days. I am pleading to Him for the health of a friend of mines new born baby boy, I am asking him to bring a baby girl to a friend of mines family all the way from Africa sooner than later. I have asked Him to perform miracles of GREAT proportion in my families life. I am so thankful HE IS MY PORTION.

I have actually asked Him for the nations. That all who don't know Him would have the chance to know Him.

Choose faith. There is one who delivers. There is one who loves with no condition. There is one who longs to know us. His name is Jesus.

Choose Faith.

Because without Him we can do nothing.

Merry Christmas!!!

All my love.....

He is for me.....

When I look back at my last post in September, it was as if the Lord was preparing me...and I did not have a clue. All I knew was in the 30 days I knew one of my sweet boys life lay in the balance was.....

He Loves me

He is for me

His plans for me are good

His plans are to prosper me

His Love is everlasting

He is constant

He is faithful

He is true

That was all I knew and that was all I needed to know.

I held on to these promises for 30 days with all my heart. I was in the secret place of the Most High God. I did not want to be anywhere else in the world.

I knew on thing. I loved my babies in my womb. I knew God had a plan. I knew He was holding not only my sweet identical twin boys but me in the palm of His hand. It was no surprise to Him that one of them was falling behind in growth. It was no surprise to Him that on Tuesday, October 11 at 8:46am a Dr. would tell me, " I am sorry they are gone". He knew that at that moment that I would respond with broken heart...... " I wanted these babies with all my heart, But I choose Jesus, I know He loves me and His ways higher". He knew that my husband and I would weep all the way home and for days to come. He knew that 8 hours later I would give birth to two PERFECTLY formed angels that would literally take my breath away and change my life forever in the most amazing ways . He knew that the birth of John Wilson and David Casswell would shake the earth and hearing of their passing into eternity and the supernatural faith God had given their mama and daddy would bring people closer to Jesus. For that I could endure the heartbreak.

I have always said, do anything to me, but don't touch my babies (all four of them). Its too sacred to think of something happening to one of them, much less two of them.

Have Mercy Sweet Jesus.

You are too good.

Those things I never thought I could have survive.

We are surviving and really not just surviving, but being high and lifted up by His sweet spirit. Intimacy with Jesus is what I have longed for since I was a little girl. I have loved Him with all my heart, I have dissapointed Him too many times to count. But, I have always known that I was loved by Him. I have always felt His favor and known his favor. I have always wondered about that verse, "Praise Him in all things"......Could I really do it? Could I really really really praise Him.

Yes.

He is that good.

How can you loose the two most precious gifts that you have ever been given and not fall apart at the seams when they are taken from you?

Jesus.

Not really taken, actually that favor I just spoke of.....

Jonathan and I were CHOSEN to be the parents of these sweet babies.

I was CHOSEN to be their mommy to carry them .

A treasure I will hold onto forever.

I am (for now) Caroline Sophia, Caldwell MaGee, John Wilson and David Casswell's mommy

Can you believe the how wealthy I am?

Two on earth and two in heaven living a life I could never give them.

The pain is intense. Giving up the dream of saying the names John Wilson and Cass everyday and calling them the twin towers on the basketball court, watching them grow tall like their mommy and daddy, watching them play with their big sister, watching them do so many things we had already dreamed about.

But God.

Peace like a river and mercy everlasting....

I am at peace. There are no whys?

How could there be?

He is too good. His promises and redemption too full.

None of us, no not one will live this life without suffering.

No need to be fearful. Its just the truth.

The ONLY thing you need to know when the pain and suffering and comes is....

Jesus is EVERYTHING He says He is and so much more.

Comforter

Peace

Healer

Redeemer

Provider

Savior

I could go on and on......He is EVERYTHING.....

Life without Him. Not worth it.

I am speaking from a deep place. A place I have actually begged God for for many many years. I never imagined a loss of this magnitude would bring me here. As much as I wanted my sweet boys. I know. I just know. His plans and His ways Higher.

There is one very special word that a very very special girlfriend gave me during this time.

She wrote me and reminded me of the woman in Luke 7 who laid at Jesus feet and cried all over His feet, wiped His feet with her hair, poured perfume on Him. The Pharassies questioned Him. But, Jesus...He saw...He saw her heart. She had given Him everything.

Jonathan and I have given Him everything. Not JUST our sweet boys. But EVERY part of our life. You don't weather pain like this without seeing that you are utterly lost without Him. That if you don't have Him you will die.

Its a new day. A day I welcome.

Tears of worship to a Savior who gave me 20 gorgeous weeks and 4 days that I would NEVER take back. Two beautiful little baby boys that I held and loved and will keep loving.

Five days before I delivered my angels I heard that Kari Jobe was in my town.....I love her. She is a incredibly annointed worship leader. I knew I was supposed to be there. I was tired. My body was struggling. I have been on partial bedrest. I saved up my energy. I went alone and God provided so much that night. I know all her music my memory. I love all her songs. But, there is one song that struck me to the core in a way it never had before. I was a crying mess, I mean the embarrassing kind but I really did't care God had just given me His word through song and I KNEW IT WAS FOR ME.......so I recieved it......

The lyrics go like this.....

So faithful

So constant

So loving and so true

So powerful in all you do

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me

I know that you are for me

I know that you will never

Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that you have come down

Even if to ride upon my heart

To remind me who you are

So patient

So gracious

So merciful and true

So wonderful in all you do

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

And you love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me.......

This were also the words I heard on my pandora ihone when the nurse handed me two beautiful baby boys.........

I know that you are for me Jesus.

Thank you for being for me.

To you be all glory, honor and power.......

You are alone are GREATLY to be praised.

To all my sweet readers and friends....Just so you are reminded.....

HE IS FOR YOU TOO

But, as for me I will ALWAYS have HOPE; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.

Psalm 71:16-16

Faith....Faith Unknown..........

I sit here in my bed wishing that I had been a better blogger. Wishing I had the discipline to write a post the day I found out we were EXPECTING TWINS in mid July. Whoa...yeah that is sorta blog worthy!!! Its just been all so much goodness and fear wrapped in one gorgeous package. A package I am not sure what to do with. A package that simply excites me and terrifies me all in one breathe. Oh but His Gifts....such good and perfect gifts for those who love Him. Yes, He loves me. He loves me BIG, He Loves me strong, He loves me unconditionally. I do not even deserve it. How do we ever get to a place where we forget He is a miraculous? Forget He is Mighty to Save? Forget He is totally holding not only our little world, but the WHOLE BIG WORLD in the palm of His hand? I will not lie. I have sorta of forgotten. Until recently when He began a another new work in me, a work that is so gently yet so very real. You see I don't know where you are these days with your faith journey, but I'm on a biggie. One that will go down in my personal history book. I told a friend on the phone last night.....faith, faith unknown...it scares me. I'm just being honest. How will I carry two precious lives in my womb? Identical twin boys. Still stops me in mid sentence. How GREAT is our God. How will I be able to believe for a healthy pregnancy?...you know two brains forming at once, two of everything forming. Once they get here how will I manage FOUR children under the age of five? How will I do it? Oh But the Grace of God. How will I be able to give them the life I want for them? How will God full fill my dreams of being hands and feet all over the earth for His glory with four kids? Will I actually ever have the courage or the faith to leave them even for a weekend trip away with my husband, much less Cambodia? I don't have answers to any of these questions. But what I do know is that His promises are YES in Him and AMEN in Him. That He has hemmed me and my babies in before and behind. That HE is knitting them together in my womb. That His plans for are to prosper me and not to harm me. That I have relied on Him since birth as do my unborn babies. (Psalm 71:5) I am starting to see that I won't be able to care for 4 babies on my own. But, I know His strength is made perfect when I am weak. I do know that I can do ALL thing through Christ who gives me strength. That He will PERFECT those things that concern me.

Faith....Faith unknown..that I am praying with ALL my heart I WILL know just to jump on another journey of more of the unknown.

My God is so great, so strong and so mighty there is nothing my God can not do........

Its with these words I leave you tonight. With these words I covet your prayers. I will pray for you too. But, for now its bed time for me and these growing boys. What a calling they will have. What a life they will live. How blessed are they that hey currently live in the PRESENCE of God. He already knows them. He calls them by names and loves them with a relentless love. I love that about my God. Relentless love........

Big Boys Cry when they bump their heads....but we made it a play date....

This little love took a big fall yesterday while we were at a wedding. We thought it was nothing at first. But, later that night he started having symptoms of concussion. So, little man and I headed off to the ER while our big daddy stayed at home with sissy! I was scared, not thrilled at all about going alone and more than anything just scared for my sweet baby boy. PRAISE the LORD...it ended up not being as serious as we thought THANK GOD. But, during the 5 hours that I lay in the ER bed with this guy we had a ball.....which was the first clue maybe, just maybe I had jumped the gun. But, when it comes to your babies you would rather be safe than sorry. we played with trucks, we made animal sounds and we cuddled. It was a strange and expensive place to do all that but I tried to just really be thankful for that He was ok and began to pray for the mothers and daddy's who live on a hospital room with a child they see in true pain or danger. Its hard to even let your mind go there. But, its a reality. May the Lord grant them the peace and strength to be strong.

Eater Sweetness..

I have added a few new Easter sweetness to my seasonal decor addiction.......Lord, help me!!!

It's been said that I have weakness for a party, for a holiday, for the seasonal decor section at Homegoods. I JUST CANT help myself....when you see a wooden bunny holding a basket, you just CANT say no!!! UGGG I always promised I would not be my mom when it came to this stuff. My dad used to say that stuff would start "appearing" all over the house every holiday season. "Stuff he had never seen before" Well, folks the glittery apple does not fall from the golden mama tree. This season has been the worse I'll spare you all the details but I have so much Easter sweetness swirling around in my head I can't stand it!

A girl just can't resist pink fluff and bunnies, jelly beans and peeps!

My dear blog friend and real life friend from www.pearlsandgrace.blogspot.com once said to me, "I should be living a life where I wear a pink fluffy tutu all day long!"

so here's to a little Easter Sweetness....this is just a peak there is much much more to come!

Its the little things that are big things......

I'm in a new season in my faith. One I have longed for but not really been able to officially sign on to for a very very long time. The word of God is becoming clearer and clearer. Remember those days when you just "got stuff" its as everything "jumps of the page"? Well, its one of those times and I am reveling in it.

Let me start by saying. I have always loved Jesus. I have known him since I was 8 years old. However, it was not until this year my 31 rst year that I felt as though I REALLY am just beginning to know Him. I actually grieve at that last statement. We get to choose an abundant relationship with Jesus. I have not always chosen. I have often just lived. So much time wasted I grieve that, all the time I wasted on superficial things or relationships that were hurtful and mired over them and cried over them and tried to fix them never once turning to the one whose mercies are new every morning.

A sinner, saved by faith. This is what I am .

I am a good woman. A woman most people like. I am a lover of all people. In fact my biggest passion and pit is people. I love them but in the same breath they have caused me much pain. But, it does not matter I keep on loving. I don't think God calls everyone to have a passion for His most prized creation. But, He has called me and I love it. I'm not a perfect friend or person, I am chalk full of sinfulness and have my own issues, that I so want to be delivered from and beg God to do so. In the words of the precious Bible teacher and one of my heroes Beth Moore: I want to be delivered from "the pit" and I NEVER want to go back.

Part of this loving people gig in the real day in day out of dealing with your own flesh and the flesh of others. I have always said that I have a very high tolerance for flesh. However, after quoting that to my husband the other day it dawned on me? Do I have a high tolerance for my own flesh too? The answer is yes. I asked the Lord to reveal to me an area of my flesh that needed to be gone. Well, as always he showed up and did. First it was through the rehashing of a conversation I had with someone. I realized that over the past two years I have fallen prey to the evil of useless chatter. I am a communicator and its easy, VERY easy to think you are just talking. Well, I am sorta sick of just talking. I am ready to talk with purpose and passion. For my readers who are personal friends. I am not going to get all weird and super spiritual on you I just want to say up front I am disgusted with what we let ourselves get away with. Its like every page I turn in Bible there is a passage about mindless, useless chatter. Like this morning I came across this one:

"But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because they are UNPROFITABLE AND USELESS." Titus 3:9

can you believe God even speaks to how to handle this? I HAVE NEVER seen this verse!

"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have NOTHING to do with Him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful;he is self-condemned." Titus 310-11

WOA..........that is pretty heavy and pretty straight forward. I don't even own a concordance or a Greek translator and I am almost certain there is no way to may those verses sound more real than they are.

As I have said before the " The Glamazon blog what was supposed to be focused on all things glamorous and girly has all the sudden turned all heavy and serious."

I'm just going with it. There is purpose in it for me and maybe you. The beauty of transparency. Give me a transparent person any day over apathetic, lost, passive people who never want to look inside and go deeper. Its hard to go deep. You never know what you may find and when you find it what will you do with it? What if it embarrasses you? What if it sets you apart "a little too much"? That's me I want Jesus and all He has to offer but not so sure I want to go that far? Even though I do...... What will that cost me?

I want to be a cool girl in the eyes of the world. But, honestly as cool as I want to be, I really want Jesus more.

"Lord help me to believe this and to live it".

Y'all I know this is heavy and I don't expect any comments hence serious transparency and lack of Martha Stewart pictures of domesticated Goddess stuff (which I adore too)

But, I had to get this one out this morning. I could not sleep. I lay in my bed thinking about how much time I waste on my cell phone in the car talking to people or about people about stuff that is useless. I think about if I continue this pattern as my children get older and smarter how they will pick up on the fact that this is ok? Wake up call. I want them to have the upper hand. I want them love people. Love Jesus. I want them to have purpose and passion. I want them to live these passages:

Titus 1:11-12 "for the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

I need to pray about this. Indulge me please.......

Jesus, please help me. I want you and I want purity. I love people and I want to be your ears, your hands, your feet. BUT, only in a way that honors you. Forgive me for time wasted and words that were never needed. Help me stand against the pressures of a harsh world of people who are not living purpose and passion. I DON'T want to be one of those people. I want the exciting, adventurous life you promise. Help me Lord to encourage people especially your beloved that call you Savior to choose your ways and your words over our own fleshly ones. Lord thank you so much that your mercies are new and that you see past our sin and directly to our hearts. We love you. We honor you and we say to you, " Great are you! Great and mighty God!"

snips and snails......love it more than ever.........

Little boys are so much more than I ever imagined . To be honest....I only ever saw myself with girl babies....I came from girls, I am a girl....its just seemed natural. Well, I got my girl and she is a delight. However. This guy....there are not words......all I can say is I think I am a boy mom and LONG for a another boy baby. Although I'll take whatever the Lord gives me. This guy is so much fun. I am amazed by his little boys ways......I mean really look below...hauling nanners in your truck!!!! ahhh!!!! love it. Crawling on everything, up everything, falling all the time, throwing anything and everything. Let me be honest...I am sort of one of those "nervous mothers" which is why I find it almost comical that my 3 year old girl child knocked her front tooth out last year doing nothing dangerous. I am always trying to stay a step ahead of them to stop any major crisis. Well, probably need to go ahead and let that one go. Since they are the Lord's anyways. He is protector. But, these boys will almost give you a heart attack....but then......crawl into your arms and snuggle and love you like none other. I really like that part. Here's to boy babies! Here's to praying I can raise him to be an honorable man. That was another reason I thought I never wanted boy children. It seems so huge to raise a son, you are responsible for raising someone who will lead his own family some day. I just trust every single day that with the beauty of an amazing father, my love and support and a whole lot of prayers this little guy will be a man after God's own heart. That is all I really want for him.

my men on the amazon job site!

watching diggers and anything with wheels....totally amazes me.... an economist/money guru's daughter marries the owner of a construction company and has a son that already can identify what a digger, roller, backhoe, dump truck and grader is....woa.....I know what they are too!!! Hey but guess what my construction man he knows what Hermes, Creed Perfume and Beth Moore are!!!!! Love love love it!

february & march fun and fairytales continue.......

Its been a really really fun of February and start of March....going backwards.....

hosted a dinner party for a good friend who turned 40 in my barn last night....good girls, fun times, great food and big laughs.......I am loving being 31....but I think 40 is cool too.

the cake lovers cake

our baby sitter going to Morocco to the peace corp. last day with her~!!! Good luck TB!!!!

just threw this one in of my angel for kicks!!!!!

party time in the barn!!!!!

my valentine's day diva!

omg...eat him up!!!

heart pancakes!!!!!

valentine's surprises!

sweet baby friends playing at a birthday party

big daddy ( Mr. Glamazon) with babies all over him and loving it

first trip to Disney (which by the way I was not excited) I AM IN LOVE with it now!!! so much more fun with kids!

loving her new ballon

honey, we did it all....unicorn face and all......

this picture is hysterical to me.....she was SPEECHLESS....all she said to Belle (her favorite) is: "you and I match we are both princess's, and we both have brown hair and eyes!" she could have cared less for the other princess's

seeing the castle for the first time.....priceless....she cried then screamed!!!

Dinner at Red Fish.....she was such a lady.....

of course its easier to be a lady when you watch movies on Daddy's phone!

love my life and not afraid to say it......anymore

Over the past month I have been remembering this scripture

Psalm 100:5

"FOR THE LORD IS GOOD AND HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER; HIS FAITHFULNESS CONTINUES THROUGH ALL GENERATIONS".

Lately I am have been feeling super ashamed of the life that the Lord has blessed me with. I have felt guilty for many of my blessings and tried to down play them so that "people" won't think I think my life is "perfect" or "wonderful". In fact I have quite frankly not been myself since October. Well...thanks to the grace of a heavenly Father who loves me a husband who encourages me and two sweet babies that make me want to be the Sarah God so graciously entrusted their sweet spirits too...I'm free...free indeed. I'm pretty excited about it too.

I am still on a journey with my marriage, motherhood, relationships and most importantly my Savior. I am ready to dig deeper, dream bigger, live large with my God. I have been totally denying this for a long time because I know that when I have chosen this as I have in other seasons of my life that when I am in a good place, a growing place with God, he mercifully shows up and ROCKS MY WORLD.

So let me just get this out, so I can be free, since if you know me you know that is all I ever wanted.

ITS OK TO ACCEPT BLESSINGS FOR A MOST HIGH GOD WHO DESIRES TO GIVE HIS CHILDREN GOOD GIFTS. ITS OK TO EVEN SHARE THEM TO BLESS OTHERS. ITS OK TO GIVE HIM ALL GLORY, HONOR AND PRAISE FOR THOSE GIFTS, SO THAT HIS RENOWNED IS KNOWN ALL OVER THE EARTH.

WHETHER IT BE SMALL WHETHER IT BE LARGE. WHETHER YOU BE POOR OR WHETHER YOU BE RICH. WHETHER YOU BE YOUNG, WHETHER YOU BE OLD.

BE

THE PERSON THAT GOD HAS CREATED YOU TO BE. YOU WERE CREATED IN HIS IMAGE FOR GOODNESS SAKE. THATS A PRETTY BIG DEAL.

I KNOW THIS IS SIMPLE WRITING, BUT HEY ITS CHANGING MY LIFE AND I AM JUST GETTING IT OUT THERE FOR FREEDOMS SAKE. WHEN WRITTEN IT WORD IT BECOMES SO MUCH MORE LIFE TO ME.

Just as a side note...because its inevitable by those people who have accused me of throwing my "perfect life" up in the faces of others. I AM NOT PERFECT. NOTHING ABOUT ME IS. HOWEVER, I DO SERVE A PERFECT SAVIOR. I am forever grateful for a fairy tale life. Its all relative people. I'm thankful for my health TODAY.....that could change tomorrow. I am thankful for a prince charming that loves and adores me. Children who bless me daily by even uttering the words "Mama".

Most of all I am so honored to call Jesus my lover and my friend. My KING and my SAVIOR.

It's because if Him that I was pulled out of darkness and into His light. It's because of Him that I journey on this path to a very exciting, adventurous, risky life. Its because of Him that I have wisdom, stature and favor with God and man.

This blog is so taking a different direction. I always thought I would be of writing about decorating, cooking and babies. I NEVER imagined this to be an outlet to proclaim HIS goodness.

Good gifts my friends, that is what He has for us. Take it, thank Him for it, don't be jealous when he chooses to give something you desire to someone else. Rejoice in His goodness that He knows EVERY SINLGE desire of you heart. He put them there.

I'm speaking from a place of knowing what I desired from a very early age. Knowing that I desired a beautiful God fearing man that would love me, treasure me and adore me. A good man, one that REALLY cares for people and puts others before himself. A man that would lead my family make life fun and exciting. Got it. Thank you Jesus. My husband is a joy, its such and honor to be his wife.

That even though I played with the idea of being 100% female career woman and pretty much made people think that is what I was going to do in my life. I ALWAYS knew that all I ever wanted was to be a Mother. I desire to take it seriously and pour into their lives and lead them to an authentic relationship with Jesus. I desire to make EVERY holiday beautiful and glamorous in my very own way. Got it. Thank you Jesus I am so humbled by your desire to bless with the big things like a gorgeous husband and children down to the little things like heart shaped pancakes on Valentine's morning, birthday parties that make you swoon with creativity and play dates with water guns and gummy worms just to make memories...just cause its fluffy and just cause I can and just because I am wired that way and thats ok.

It's ok to be me. If someone can't handle it. Not my problem. If someone does not "get it"....not my problem again. The ONLY one opinion I even really care to please is my God.

Now to throw some more desires out there:

I would be honored to be a world changer. To make known His name known all over the earth. To tell young women that they are beautiful in his sight. To tell them that NO man will ever really meet their needs the way THE SON of God can.

I desire to hold babies that are nameless and fatherless and pray God's peace and hope for their life.

I desire favor with governments, world and spiritual leaders".

I desire a ministry of excellence that totally rocks people to actually want to to live the Christian life. Not live it with a drag cause you think the world has so much more fun. So not true....quite the opposite in fact. Life with Jesus....Way more fun. Way more cool. Way more fulfilling.

This is a big day for me. I have been running from this declaration for a very very long time. I am scared to death by the ramifications of "putting it out there". But, once again I will not go there. I will say of the Lord HE is HIS is my rock and my refuge. In HIM will I trust.

I am more thankful today than ever. But more than anything.

I am a women set apart free from the opinion of man and on a path to being ALL that she was called to be. Want to come with me?

xoxo

Now for a peek into last months fairy tale..........

sweetest 5th birthday party ever for a sweet girl....wedding themed....little girls were "flower girls" sister were

bridesmaids"....it was pure delish.......

although my little one struggles with it not being her "party" learning now...its not all about us. Am I the only one out there that sees little girls birthday parties as character building? This one was a biggie for us.

celebrating a beautiful 40th birthday party in a gorgeous shoe store for my very gorgeous and glamourous friend who is even more gorgeous on the inside. So thankful for sweet friends.

Snow, Black Beans and Bucky

Hey my dearest readers....can I vent? maybe just for a second? I really need to...indulge me...PLEEEASSSEEE!!!! It all started this morning..woke up late, almost got in a wreck on the way to take my little angel to Mothers Day Out, then I had my workout schedule all screwed up and missed it altogether. Not life changing but all the sudden I remembered I was supposed to be doing a 24 day body cleanse, I didn't notice till I looked down at my half eaten egg mcgriddle from McDonald's (don't judge me please total stress food for me) . There were so many series of annoying things that happened to me today. A painful conversation, a temper lost, the past drug up, a teething baby, a bowl of black beans covering my kitchen thanks to the darling little blonde headed boy in the high and chair and screams at the kitchen table from a 3 year old who swears black beans are really "fat black bugs". OMG OMG....to think I was alone with my husband skiing a week ago, drinking wine by the fire and having all this great quality time with my man and my God. Whew....its back to real life. Today was one of those real days. I'm just being honest. I find that blogging is a great way to be transparent (or be fake) I choose transparency cause all I have ever wanted is to be real and be free from a very jaded and fake world that honestly nauseates me with their simple conversations that say the same things over and over again with almost no answers. I had a few break downs today. My day was lighted when my ever darling and amazing sister came by for a visit to love on my babies...I honestly think i stole all the loving in my pity party. She let me. That's what sisters are for. I am so thankful for her. She has always had a way at seeing people pretty much for who they are and loving them in spite. I beg to be more like that. Then I realized that January has already been a very eventful month for me. For one 2011 is here, seconding God saved my dear friend from death during childbirth!! Thank you Abba Father! Glory and Honor to you! That I braved the gorgeous rocky mountains with the coolest guy I know and loved EVERY SINGLE SECOND of it. That by the time I got home another very dear and precious friend delivered her baby girl when a terrible delivery went very wrong and minutes later they were left with a baby girl with a bleeding brain and the reality of brain damage or even death. Glory! Glory to God in the Highest....neurology report..."brain activity looks normal" sweet mama and baby girl coming home tomorrow. Thank you Jesus. We are humbled, we are beyond amazed by your ways. Let us not forget you are the author and finisher of our faith. So, with the melting of the miraculous snow we have had around here...tomorrow is a new day. I spent time today rearranging my house and organizing a few treasures I found at my favorite local antique gallery. It was bliss among my "angst" today. Now, the girl who is supposed to be on a 24 day body cleanse is making the pioneer woman's cinnamon rolls. Smart huh? Well, cooking relaxes me and I don't fall asleep like when I drink my wine. Cheers (imagine me holding a cinnamon roll) to a new day tomorrow. To the miracles of faith I wrote about in my last post and oh cheers to Bucky the 10 point Buck I bought to hang above my mantel. Crazy I married a very southern, raised on a farm good ol' boy that does not hunt. I have to buy my game loot. Bucky (named my my 3 year old today) brought a smile to my face today as I watch my children talk to him, pet him and watch in amazement as their mama pranced around the house figuring out where to hang that furry guy. Not too many bad problems to face when you think about it. A friends life spared, a friends baby spared, beautiful snow melting and children enamored my God's creation. I guess in retrospect..life is good. Its real good. Why? I pretty sure because our God is so Good. XOXOX

Meet Bucky

Vintage Wire Baskets

Items for the party barn!!!

My little pond and barn all covered in snow....

my main man and I in Beaver Creek Bliss

The year of Miracles.....2011

Caroline & her girlfriends playing in our white Christmas snow!!

My entire world (and Frosty)

Tender Tennessee Christmas

I have a roast in the oven, the laundry is ALL done (miracle number one) both babies are sleeping (Miracle number 2), I am packed for our ski trip (miracle number 3), I am writing a blog post (miracle number 4), I have a precious friend recovering in the hospital from early child birth and a life threatening delivery (MIRACLE number 5)! God is so good. His grace unending, His favor unwarranted, His love everlasting. In 2010 I asked God to reveal to me things about relationships in my life. I asked him to show me those who were not "for me". I wanted my eyes to be opened to the flesh we all have, but I no longer wanted to fall prey to it. DID HE EVER. It was both heartbreaking and freeing all in one. I asked God to give me tremendous will power this year as I so desperately wanted to get my body back in shape after back to back babies. Everyone who knows me, knows I think its absurd you actually have to workout and almost stop eating food all together. Some how, some way with the power of the God almighty himself and A LOT of lunges and A LOT of miles...the 35 pounds is gone. Notice I did not say MIRACULOUSLY gone. There were other things that I asked for that did not happen, either because God had not planned it that way or I did not do my part. All I know that as my husband and I look back on the year we are humbled by what God has done. HUMBLED beyond words.

This year we are asking big. This year we are stretching far. Its way scary cause I know that I know that when you do that you are signing up for the pitfalls and the pressure. This year at the annual Catalyst Leadership Conference the theme was hilariously was "Tension is Good" which is exactly what our family was feeling on many fronts. The tension is what is stretching our faith, the tension is what is demanding that we reach out to our creator. Its been real. Its been good. Its been hard. I want more.

So....this year I am asking for Miracles. On the actual day of Jan 1. I sat in my closet and asked God to reveal HIS powerful self to my family and to all those that I love and to the world. It all started a few days before when my precious husband woke me up with a Christmas kiss and said, "baby look outside, its your first white Christmas". I don't mean just any white Christmas I mean a REAL one like a 7 inch snow one (for East TN that might as well been a blizzard). I took a walk in the woods that afternoon, just me, my camera and my God. It was so still I could hear my heart, it was so gorgeous I had to fight back the tears. I told the Lord, "Thank you for this snow". I felt like He told my heart, "I did it cause I thought you might like it". Isn't that like our God? To grant us the desires of our heart even through the pressure. Then January 1rst the day of my asking God for miracles. I see post on Facebook that a precious friend of mine has given birth almost 2 months early (her fourth little prince). I am scared, but find out that she has birth one of her monster sized babies..all 6 pounds of him perfection and pure sugar. It was her, she was sick, something was wrong, bad wrong. She was rushed into surgery where her life literally lay on a table in an operating room. There is no doubt in my mind that she was held in the arms of Jesus as the surgeons worked desperately to save her precious life. Some how, some way she has been spared. A crazy thing called Amniotic Embolism tried to rip her life away. A weird thing so bad it claims the life of 90 percent of women who get it. Its rare, its bad but God is Good. I can't even really grasp how she has been spared. I just know she has a beautiful husband that loves and adores her, four gorgeous Princes that call her Mama and she is herself a woman after God's own heart, a woman who loves and lives life with all she's got, a woman so full of laughter and fun she sucks oxygen out of room when she enters.I am so thankful to my heavenly Father for sparing her. Thank Jesus. Thank Jesus. Thank you

JESUS.

What a way to usher in a year of miracles. I pray for each of you who read this blog that no one really cares about including the writer who never takes the time to post...that you too would have a year of miracles, a year of authentic relationship with God and Man. Lets go deep this year. Lets dream big. Lets ask big. Lets love big. Lets give big.

With all my Love.......The Glamour Girl....who is more in love with the Miracle worker than ever before. xoxox