I sit here in my bed wishing that I had been a better blogger. Wishing I had the discipline to write a post the day I found out we were EXPECTING TWINS in mid July. Whoa...yeah that is sorta blog worthy!!! Its just been all so much goodness and fear wrapped in one gorgeous package. A package I am not sure what to do with. A package that simply excites me and terrifies me all in one breathe. Oh but His Gifts....such good and perfect gifts for those who love Him. Yes, He loves me. He loves me BIG, He Loves me strong, He loves me unconditionally. I do not even deserve it. How do we ever get to a place where we forget He is a miraculous? Forget He is Mighty to Save? Forget He is totally holding not only our little world, but the WHOLE BIG WORLD in the palm of His hand? I will not lie. I have sorta of forgotten. Until recently when He began a another new work in me, a work that is so gently yet so very real. You see I don't know where you are these days with your faith journey, but I'm on a biggie. One that will go down in my personal history book. I told a friend on the phone last night.....faith, faith unknown...it scares me. I'm just being honest. How will I carry two precious lives in my womb? Identical twin boys. Still stops me in mid sentence. How GREAT is our God. How will I be able to believe for a healthy pregnancy?...you know two brains forming at once, two of everything forming. Once they get here how will I manage FOUR children under the age of five? How will I do it? Oh But the Grace of God. How will I be able to give them the life I want for them? How will God full fill my dreams of being hands and feet all over the earth for His glory with four kids? Will I actually ever have the courage or the faith to leave them even for a weekend trip away with my husband, much less Cambodia? I don't have answers to any of these questions. But what I do know is that His promises are YES in Him and AMEN in Him. That He has hemmed me and my babies in before and behind. That HE is knitting them together in my womb. That His plans for are to prosper me and not to harm me. That I have relied on Him since birth as do my unborn babies. (Psalm 71:5) I am starting to see that I won't be able to care for 4 babies on my own. But, I know His strength is made perfect when I am weak. I do know that I can do ALL thing through Christ who gives me strength. That He will PERFECT those things that concern me.
Faith....Faith unknown..that I am praying with ALL my heart I WILL know just to jump on another journey of more of the unknown.
My God is so great, so strong and so mighty there is nothing my God can not do........
Its with these words I leave you tonight. With these words I covet your prayers. I will pray for you too. But, for now its bed time for me and these growing boys. What a calling they will have. What a life they will live. How blessed are they that hey currently live in the PRESENCE of God. He already knows them. He calls them by names and loves them with a relentless love. I love that about my God. Relentless love........
