I'm in a new season in my faith. One I have longed for but not really been able to officially sign on to for a very very long time. The word of God is becoming clearer and clearer. Remember those days when you just "got stuff" its as everything "jumps of the page"? Well, its one of those times and I am reveling in it.
Let me start by saying. I have always loved Jesus. I have known him since I was 8 years old. However, it was not until this year my 31 rst year that I felt as though I REALLY am just beginning to know Him. I actually grieve at that last statement. We get to choose an abundant relationship with Jesus. I have not always chosen. I have often just lived. So much time wasted I grieve that, all the time I wasted on superficial things or relationships that were hurtful and mired over them and cried over them and tried to fix them never once turning to the one whose mercies are new every morning.
A sinner, saved by faith. This is what I am .
I am a good woman. A woman most people like. I am a lover of all people. In fact my biggest passion and pit is people. I love them but in the same breath they have caused me much pain. But, it does not matter I keep on loving. I don't think God calls everyone to have a passion for His most prized creation. But, He has called me and I love it. I'm not a perfect friend or person, I am chalk full of sinfulness and have my own issues, that I so want to be delivered from and beg God to do so. In the words of the precious Bible teacher and one of my heroes Beth Moore: I want to be delivered from "the pit" and I NEVER want to go back.
Part of this loving people gig in the real day in day out of dealing with your own flesh and the flesh of others. I have always said that I have a very high tolerance for flesh. However, after quoting that to my husband the other day it dawned on me? Do I have a high tolerance for my own flesh too? The answer is yes. I asked the Lord to reveal to me an area of my flesh that needed to be gone. Well, as always he showed up and did. First it was through the rehashing of a conversation I had with someone. I realized that over the past two years I have fallen prey to the evil of useless chatter. I am a communicator and its easy, VERY easy to think you are just talking. Well, I am sorta sick of just talking. I am ready to talk with purpose and passion. For my readers who are personal friends. I am not going to get all weird and super spiritual on you I just want to say up front I am disgusted with what we let ourselves get away with. Its like every page I turn in Bible there is a passage about mindless, useless chatter. Like this morning I came across this one:
"But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because they are UNPROFITABLE AND USELESS." Titus 3:9
can you believe God even speaks to how to handle this? I HAVE NEVER seen this verse!
"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have NOTHING to do with Him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful;he is self-condemned." Titus 310-11
WOA..........that is pretty heavy and pretty straight forward. I don't even own a concordance or a Greek translator and I am almost certain there is no way to may those verses sound more real than they are.
As I have said before the " The Glamazon blog what was supposed to be focused on all things glamorous and girly has all the sudden turned all heavy and serious."
I'm just going with it. There is purpose in it for me and maybe you. The beauty of transparency. Give me a transparent person any day over apathetic, lost, passive people who never want to look inside and go deeper. Its hard to go deep. You never know what you may find and when you find it what will you do with it? What if it embarrasses you? What if it sets you apart "a little too much"? That's me I want Jesus and all He has to offer but not so sure I want to go that far? Even though I do...... What will that cost me?
I want to be a cool girl in the eyes of the world. But, honestly as cool as I want to be, I really want Jesus more.
"Lord help me to believe this and to live it".
Y'all I know this is heavy and I don't expect any comments hence serious transparency and lack of Martha Stewart pictures of domesticated Goddess stuff (which I adore too)
But, I had to get this one out this morning. I could not sleep. I lay in my bed thinking about how much time I waste on my cell phone in the car talking to people or about people about stuff that is useless. I think about if I continue this pattern as my children get older and smarter how they will pick up on the fact that this is ok? Wake up call. I want them to have the upper hand. I want them love people. Love Jesus. I want them to have purpose and passion. I want them to live these passages:
Titus 1:11-12 "for the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.
I need to pray about this. Indulge me please.......
Jesus, please help me. I want you and I want purity. I love people and I want to be your ears, your hands, your feet. BUT, only in a way that honors you. Forgive me for time wasted and words that were never needed. Help me stand against the pressures of a harsh world of people who are not living purpose and passion. I DON'T want to be one of those people. I want the exciting, adventurous life you promise. Help me Lord to encourage people especially your beloved that call you Savior to choose your ways and your words over our own fleshly ones. Lord thank you so much that your mercies are new and that you see past our sin and directly to our hearts. We love you. We honor you and we say to you, " Great are you! Great and mighty God!"